Pick your cliche. Just pick it. If you're a Browns fan you know what they are. If you're a fan of any team from Cleveland you've heard them a million times.
Week 3 of the NFL season isn't even over yet, and the Cleveland Browns are without a doubt, the laughing stock of not only the National Football League but the entire professional sports world.
Watching the Browns on Sunday was like watching an infant take on a professional wrestler. It was over before it even started.
You can't single any player out, because they're all bad. Brady Quinn, Derek Anderson? It doesn't even matter. Joe Namath or Montana or Dan Marino could be leading this team. They would get beaten around just as much, throw as many interceptions, and carry the expression of a lost puppy dog when they dragged their tail between their legs to the sideline. Dawgs? Hardly. What Browns fans are seeing is another travesty. Another poorly managed team that has no business setting foot on a professional football field anywhere in the country.
Earlier in the week, a disgruntled Oregon Ducks fan that was upset with the team's performance during and after their opening game at Boise State, sent a letter to Oregon head coach Chip Kelly along with a bill for his travel expenses. The fan didn't actually expect to be reimbursed, but Kelly cut him a check and put it in the mail. The fan returned the check to Kelly with a thank you note regarding the gesture.
If Browns fans did this to Eric Mangini and he actually paid on it, he would be so in the red the bank would take out leans on his unborn great great great grandchildren.
Earlier in the week the team scuffled amongst itself in the locker room with wideout Braylon Edwards yelling "Welcome to the Cleveland Browns locker room," -a clear indication that behind closed doors the team is as big as a joke as it is on the field.
Why even watch? Even the most die hard of fans has to be sick. The team has one offensive touchdown in nine games that came during garbage time in the team's season opener. Pathetic.
You want to see the Detroit Lions, 2009 version? Look no further than Cleveland.
Where are the Browns going to pick up a win this season? Where? Cincinnati comes to town next week, followed by road trips to Buffalo and Pittsburgh. The weakest teams remaining on their schedule might be the Lions and the Chiefs. The Lions won Sunday. The Chiefs have at least shown signs of life even though they're pretty bad themselves.
Welcome to Cleveland "Mangenius." You gonna start Brett Ratliff next week? He couldn't do any worse. How about you fine your players for each missed tackle, each blown assignment, each missed block, each fumble, each interception, each botched play. Then maybe you'll be able to pay back the fans for the travesty you've put on the football field. The city of Cleveland is sick. I'm not even as invested as true Browns fans are, and I'm literally nauseous.
It's pathetic. Truly, truly pathetic.
E-mail B.J. Lisko @ firstname.lastname@example.org